A Tale of Two avocados

As I wake up today August 4th 2017 a smile comes over my face… “is today the day? Is my avocado ripe? Ohh I think it is” a low audible giggle almost wakes my wife. See I checked my avocado last night before going to sleep and it was right there, not perfect but close, its had 8 hrs to ripen to the ideal texture and flavor.

A faultless avocado is almost as hard to describe as it is to attain. The most versed avocado wranglers hold their trade secrets close to their chest. If word was to get out on how to pick the perfect avocado…. I don’t even want to think about it. Witness for yourself an aficionado’s work on full display at the local Sprouts rubbing, pinching and poking. Posers are abundant as well, squeezing 3-5 then randomly going back to what they think was avocado number 2 and claiming it as their own with a confident head nod. When choosing today’s avocado, about 36 hrs ago, I could see from 2 aisles over, in the granola section, this guy in an Ohio State hat is no threat to me getting the cream of the avocado crop. He…is SMELLING the avocados! Come on buddy move over and let a pro take over. I saunter over with the confidence of a sumo wrestler approaching an all you can eat buffet and quickly scan todays offerings. Color is ignored, i am looking for shape. Shape is the best indicator for a small pit. Don’t get me started on avocado seeds. Selfishly taking up space inside my carefully chosen prize as a reminder of the happenstance that is life. This avocado scan is most accurately understood by recalling a National Geographic scene where a female lion gazes at a herd of antelopes before attacking. I reach my hand out slowly, but with an unmistakeable confidence, and gently press where this wondrous fruit once elegantly hung…. firm. In this firmness the potential of all things avocado exists. Now I wait for the perfect timing to unwrap this self selected gift.

Huzzah my edible emerald is ready! As I mash my wondrous offering from nature on some toast a feeling of sadness creeps up from my stomach. Everyone should know how to choose the perfect cado (i can call them that you must refer to them as Dr. Avocado) So here are some of my best kept secrets about choosing the best cados…

Problem #1 my avocado is stringy and fibrous.
Look for smother skins.

Problem #2 my avocado is all brown inside.
Over ripe. A brown spot is probably just a bruise and is all good but a uniform brown or even black color implies you ignored your avocado for too long and allowed it to grow old.

Problem #3 my avocado is the pits!
Look for avocados with a tear drop shape. The rounder the avocado the bigger the seed.original-17274-1453909603-6

Problem #4 I keep getting these huge avocados that never seem to get ripe and creamy.
You are eating Caribbean avocados, while delicious you may be looking for Haas avocados.

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Avocado selection etiquette

#1 Stop squeezing these beauties by their bulb. It may not be your perfect Avocado but someone will take it home and love it, they don’t want your hand print on their avocado! Instead gently press the area around the tip. Should be firm at the store and have some give when ready to eat. Think ripe banana.

#2 If i see you at the store popping the stem off of avocados to take a peek at the flesh its possible i will get violent. Some others have suggested this is a good way to see if the flesh is free from brown spots. Sure this may work but you have just ruined this avocado if you put it back. Not to mention the person that buys this assaulted avocado will be eating flesh that was exposed to the elements.

#3 First rule of avocado selection is don’t talk about avocado selection.

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